Otherwise known as: please don’t be a stressball like me.
Before we booked our lovely trip to Brugge last August, my boyfriend and I struggled for a few days with our trip planning. Where to go, where to stay, how long, how much… We spent evenings figuring out what to do, and stress was even higher because it would be less than a week before my boyfriend flew back home to California and I moved back to England. We had to think quickly, weight the pros and cons of every idea we had, and of course both agree on our final plan.
To my utmost shame, I was crap at this. I was very stressed, very negative, and ended up shutting down a lot of the time. My boyfriend was a champion for bearing with me until we finally got things together and booked our stay in Belgium. I really wasn’t proud of myself for letting stress and worry control my behaviour, and it made me realise the first point I want to get at now: worrying can affect everything. Not only does it affect yourself and your mood, but also the mood of those around you, especially the people close to you like your family, partner, and friends.
As a worrier, I often feel like this could never change, like it’s a trait of my personality that will never go away. So recently I have made it a point to work on how I cope with stress and how I can, in my daily life, set up little things that hopefully will help me with little worries, the every day things that make my heart race and my thoughts mix all up in my head. Here we are…
LISTEN TO YOURSELF
Sometimes, you are so used to being stressed that you feel like it’s a constant. That it’s just how it is. But we don’t stress for no reason. Every time somethings comes up, that makes you feel worried, pause and think. Ask yourself:
What is the current situation?
How do I feel about it?
What is it in this situation that scares me?
What would make me feel better?
Analyse your feelings and thoughts. Worry is often based on fear and uncertainty, about yourself or others, so don’t be afraid to ask yourself difficult questions. Sometimes, I feel very worried before a social occasion. And most times it happens, I as now admit to myself, I worry because I am scared of whether people will like me or not, whether they will enjoy themselves in my company, or whether I will bore them to death. All of these reasons are related to my self-confidence. So now, whenever I feel worried before a social event, I will remind myself where my fears come from and how I can fight them. It is all about finding what you are worrying about. It often comes from a different problem, which will need fixing – but first, figure it out.
DO SOMETHING PURPOSEFULLY CALMING
By this, I don’t mean watching vlogs or listening to funky music to ignore your worries and pretend they will just go away. Unless you’re very lucky, they won’t. I rather mean, do something that is proven to help with relaxation, calm, and mindfulness. Recently, I have found that stretching sessions, that I incorporate at the beginning and the end of my workouts, are incredibly calming. You can find videos on YouTube and create a schedule for yourself to follow as many times a week as you want. To me, a relaxed body helps having a relaxed mind too.
Colouring books are also great, you focus on a simple action and get the satisfaction of accomplishing something (i.e. colouring in your picture.) I would advise doing these activities in complete science, so you can hear your mind slowing down, or with very soothing and quiet music in the background, like this one. The aim is to be alone with your thoughts, not forget about your worries. You still have to tackle them – but with a rested mind, it helps.
GET TO THE CORE OF THE PROBLEM
I really do think that worrying and stress are only the external factors of deeper problems. You don’t stress for nothing. There is always a reason behind it, and unless you find that reason and work towards solving it, you will keep worrying all the time. As I have explained in my first point, I figured out why I would worry about social situations. So whenever you feel stressed, wind down and unfold the stories behind the worrying.
Sometimes it can be that you need to gain more self-confidence, sometimes it can be that you have to learn how to trust others, or how to embrace the unexpected if you tend to worry about the future and your professional life. Learn how to make yourself happy and safe, step by step, by confronting your emotions. Don’t let it go and wait for it to pass. It may go away for a while, but if you don’t tackle the issue, it will resurface eventually. Who knows, figuring out your battle may be the start of a new, life-changing and exciting journey in discovering yourself!
TALK IT OUT WITH OTHERS
Just like with any thing that may be troubling you, you should talk it out. I am a great advocate of figuring things out by yourself and for yourself, but if you are surrounded by people who get to see you worry, and stress, like family members or a partner, you should talk with them. They may see some things about yourself that you don’t see, because you are focused on the negativity that you may be feeling.
When we were booking our trip, my boyfriend remarked on how negative I had been, and repeated to me some of the things I would say, that I didn’t even realise I was saying back then! Things like ‘I’m stressing out,’ ‘I wanna die,’There’s not enough time’… And all the while I was saying those things, I was letting myself fall into my worries. My boyfriend got to observe that from the outside, and him telling me about how I had been acting really got me thinking. Sometimes it takes having someone else to realise what you are doing, and how you can improve. Also, make sure you always seek help when you feel like you need it. It is not a weakness, on the contrary – you share with people who are close to you, and who know what you may not see about yourself.
MAKE THE EFFORT TO STAY POSITIVE
In the same way, remember to be kind with others. It is easy to get in a loop of negativity and spread it around – like I have done in that episode with my boyfriend. Even when you’re not feeling quite right, always take a step back and reflect on what you are doing. If you’re feeling stressed and upset, always remember that these feelings will influence your actions and the way you are towards people. Being positive and finding the little things, even in your distress, that will put a smile on your face, will help you, first and foremost, but it will also help the people you live with, share your day with, or interact with in these times of worry. Spread positive messages, and you will only get support and cheering in return. It is easy to put off others with our behaviour, and doing so is only a disservice to you as well as them. Keep your mind open and own your actions. Positivity attracts positivity!
How do you deal with worry? What do you do to relax and relieve stress?
Lots of love,
Julia x
